Recent filings
BIC-SRC-4787
2026-04-12
Behavioral assessment — predetermined questioning (husband)
Subject asks questions he has already answered in his head. Respondent's input is decorative.
BIC-ETH-0095
2026-04-10
Environmental hazard report — neighbours (acoustic profile)
Neighbours do not exist as people. They exist as a collection of sounds. Field assessment of the complete acoustic profile.
BIC-SRC-4785
2026-04-08
Behavioral assessment — laugh degradation (husband, progressive)
Subject's laugh has deteriorated steadily over the course of the marriage. Trajectory suggests further decline.
BIC-OPS-0048
2026-04-05
Configuration guide — automated spousal dispute system (chatbot)
How to program a chatbot to argue with your partner on your behalf. Includes sample fight patterns and escalation triggers.
BIC-SRC-4783
2026-04-02
Incident report — dining selection regret (salmon, not ordered)
Twenty years later, subject still wishes she had ordered the salmon. Investigation remains open.
BIC-SRC-4781
2026-03-28
Spousal behavior intake — sneezing (non-compliant)
Subject performs two-part sneeze at unreasonable volume. All interventions have failed.
BIC-ETH-0092
2026-03-25
Field specimen report — mosquito, bedroom airspace
Selective feeder with site preference and advanced evasion capability. Time of incident: 2:14 AM.
BIC-OPS-0044
2026-03-22
SOP: Note-taking during a domestic disagreement
Procedure for documenting claims, contradictions, and emotional pivots during active conflict.
BIC-SRC-4779
2026-03-18
Compliance notice — failure to listen during active communication
Subject did not listen because subject was thinking about how to improve communication.
BIC-ETH-0089
2026-03-15
Threat assessment — produce, fruit (apple, misshapen)
The apple is unevenly shaped and it is here to destroy you. Demeanor: hostile.
BIC-OPS-0041
2026-03-10
SOP: Optimizing a marriage for throughput
Framework for reducing conversational latency and improving emotional task completion rates.
BIC-SRC-4776
2026-03-07
Appearance assessment — subject presenting as unhoused within own residence
He somehow managed to look homeless in his own home.